The name of my book is "My Loving Daddy." The front cover says "How Daddy God took a broken little girl and changed her into His beautiful princess. At the bottom of the front cover there is a quote from the Bible: John 10:10 "
Harry S. Truman was the President of the
United States when my story began on January 18, 1951 at the Garfield Memorial Hospital
in Washington, D.C. Our family lived in Alexandria, Virginia, but the hospital
in Washington D.C. was closer to our home, so consequently that’s where I was
born. My mom and daddy already had one child who was born in 1946, my brother Charles
Alvin Ward III; we called him Chip.
Five years after I was born, in 1956, mom had her third child, another son and she named him Stephen Edward, named after my daddy’s brother, Edward. Two years later in August of 1958 my sister Pamela Annette was born, we called her Pam Chon.
Chip and I were great buddies because we were the first two children and close in age and Steve and Pam were only two years apart and they too were inseparable; these “friendships” held fast the rest of our lives.
Chip, Steve, Pam and I were the four children of Charles Alvin Ward Jr. and Elsie Janice (Dunn) Ward; who were two dysfunctional people that had no business having children or taking on the responsibility that came with it; they may have had good intentions to start but that didn’t last.
From the age of nine until I was fourteen (when I left home), my life was a living hell. My daddy was sexually, physically, verbally, psychologically and emotionally abusive to me. In addition, my mom never protected or defended me from him. Daddy seemed to find delight in torturing me and I became an unfortunate victim of his abuse.
During his last few years at home, my older brother Chip was physically abused by our daddy’s fists on a regular basis. He finally left home at seventeen to join the Army. He received a dishonorable discharge and went on to live in and out of alcohol and drug rehabilitation homes most of his life until he died at the hands of a negligent doctor in Los Angeles, California when he was forty six years old.
Years after I moved away, my parents were divorced and my younger sister and brother were left with my mom who intentionally neglected them. When I found my fourteen year old sister in this situation, I put her in foster care; and she died of cancer when she was only thirty five.
My younger brother Steve was sixteen when I put Pam in the foster home and he was on his way to taking care of himself. He is my only living sibling I have left. He (and his wife Annette) had two children; Dennis and Jessica and they lost Dennis in the Trinity River in Texas; he was twenty three years old when he drowned.
On Thanksgiving Day of 2013, my younger brother Steve, was giving his grandsons rides around the block on his Goldwing motorcycle. Neither he nor his grandson were wearing helmets. He was only going thirty miles an hour when he hit gravel and the motorcycle slid and threw Steve off causing him to hit his head, crack a few ribs and puncture his lung. His grandson Ethan was “seat belted” to the motorcycle and received a concussion. Steve ended up in the hospital and because he was a smoker and a drinker, he was going through withdrawals, so they had to put him into an induced coma to control the pain. After a month or so in the coma they tried to bring him out of it and his body wouldn’t so he was in a real coma. It was right before Christmas when Kery and I decided to go to Texas to try our best to talk Steve out of his coma.
When we got there, Steve’s dear friends Don and Jenny met us at the airport and took us to their home to stay the night and tell us what the status was on Steve. The next day he took us to Steve’s house to get settled then over to the hospital. Don remained our personal chauffeur the entire time we were there and we were so grateful. We tried our best to talk to Steve and convince him to wake up, but he was unresponsive. At one time the nurses were going to turn him over in bed and one of them told me that when they turn him, sometimes he opens his eyes. They were not sure if he was truly awake or not but asked if I wanted to be in there when they turned him and I said I would. They closed the curtain and I stood at the bottom of the bed, all the while talking to him and telling him he was alright and told him he was in a coma and he had to wake up. I told him I loved him and he opened his eyes and tears fell from his open eyes and the nurse said “I think he heard you! He has never had tears before now!” I was so grateful that I started to cry and when we re-opened the curtain, there stood my husband and I fell into his arms and sobbed. We were there for an entire week and Steve did not wake up but they noticed he was actually breathing better and not using the respirator as much as he had. Within a month he was fully awake. He had to go to physical therapy for a while and then they released him. Unfortunately, Steve has never truly recovered from this accident. He had a great job working for Lockheed Martin. They paid for his medical bills and tried to bring him back to work, but Steve was too erratic. He has not been able to get any job and keep it and blames it all on someone or something else besides his injury. He had to sell his motorcycle, then had to sell his house. He moved into an apartment and couldn’t afford that so moved into a free trailer at one of his friend’s house in Texas. It has been a difficult time for Steve and I don’t know if he will ever be the same.
My daddy died of heart failure and cirrhosis of the liver in 1976 and my mom died in 1997 of Alzheimer’s. Her death certificate said she had been diagnosed as Schizophrenic and Bi-Polar.
After I left home, that living hell continued to live on in my head. All the abuses left wounds that were like open sores on my body and my heart. I wore them, almost proudly, for a very long time, and because they existed they got most of my attention. I was living a pretty dysfunctional life until the day my Deliverer and my Redeemer, Jesus Christ, showed up in my living room and saved me. All it took was His offer of true love which instantly healed my broken heart and open wounds. I went from living in darkness to the brightness of a sunny day, from being deathly sick to being a shining example of healthiness. It was a miracle God performed for me that day and I have never been the same.
It took a little more to clean out the rest of the nasty cobwebs in my mind, but in time, God’s soothing words healed them too and they became scars, and scars don’t hurt. Scars are signs of God’s love and healing and Galatians 6:17 (in the NLT) says “I bear on my body the scars that show I belong to Jesus.” Today, I am proud of my scars.
This is my life story and I’m writing it for you. I’m not an accomplished writer, so I hope you will stick with me as I set the stage for God’s incredible work in this little girl’s damaged and unhappy life. You will see how it is possible for you too to be healed. My hope and prayer is that as you read my words you will slowly but surely see that He is a loving God who wants to touch your life too.
You can live a free and victorious life and that is not just the purpose of this book, it is the purpose of my life; to share what God did for me so there can be hope for someone who went through similar things. Can I pray for you right now?
Father God, You are such a wonderful and loving God. You know our hearts and our inner most thoughts before we even voice them. You know where we hide in our sorrow and God I am asking you to start shining a light in that hidden place in us right now. Help us to see Who You are and anoint my words as I write to give understanding and hope to anyone who went through any kind of child abuse. I know that these things hurt Your heart too and I know how much You love us, so please open our eyes so we can see clearly. I love You and thank You.
In Jesus’ Holy Name I pray, Amen
Music
One more thing before we get started. When I was younger I found great peace and comfort through music. The words soothed my spirit and took me to another place and I still love music to this day. There are particular songs that I have identified with through the years that describe a certain time in my life. I hope you won’t mind as I share the words to some of these songs that have touched my life. This song “Wildflower” speaks about my life so accurately. The words that speak loudest are “sleep is the only freedom that she knows.” Once you read my story, you will understand. Today, I can sleep so soundly and sleep is so precious to me because there was a day that I dreaded going to sleep.
“Wildflower” by Skylark, Words Written by David Richardson
Five years after I was born, in 1956, mom had her third child, another son and she named him Stephen Edward, named after my daddy’s brother, Edward. Two years later in August of 1958 my sister Pamela Annette was born, we called her Pam Chon.
Chip and I were great buddies because we were the first two children and close in age and Steve and Pam were only two years apart and they too were inseparable; these “friendships” held fast the rest of our lives.
Chip, Steve, Pam and I were the four children of Charles Alvin Ward Jr. and Elsie Janice (Dunn) Ward; who were two dysfunctional people that had no business having children or taking on the responsibility that came with it; they may have had good intentions to start but that didn’t last.
From the age of nine until I was fourteen (when I left home), my life was a living hell. My daddy was sexually, physically, verbally, psychologically and emotionally abusive to me. In addition, my mom never protected or defended me from him. Daddy seemed to find delight in torturing me and I became an unfortunate victim of his abuse.
During his last few years at home, my older brother Chip was physically abused by our daddy’s fists on a regular basis. He finally left home at seventeen to join the Army. He received a dishonorable discharge and went on to live in and out of alcohol and drug rehabilitation homes most of his life until he died at the hands of a negligent doctor in Los Angeles, California when he was forty six years old.
Years after I moved away, my parents were divorced and my younger sister and brother were left with my mom who intentionally neglected them. When I found my fourteen year old sister in this situation, I put her in foster care; and she died of cancer when she was only thirty five.
My younger brother Steve was sixteen when I put Pam in the foster home and he was on his way to taking care of himself. He is my only living sibling I have left. He (and his wife Annette) had two children; Dennis and Jessica and they lost Dennis in the Trinity River in Texas; he was twenty three years old when he drowned.
On Thanksgiving Day of 2013, my younger brother Steve, was giving his grandsons rides around the block on his Goldwing motorcycle. Neither he nor his grandson were wearing helmets. He was only going thirty miles an hour when he hit gravel and the motorcycle slid and threw Steve off causing him to hit his head, crack a few ribs and puncture his lung. His grandson Ethan was “seat belted” to the motorcycle and received a concussion. Steve ended up in the hospital and because he was a smoker and a drinker, he was going through withdrawals, so they had to put him into an induced coma to control the pain. After a month or so in the coma they tried to bring him out of it and his body wouldn’t so he was in a real coma. It was right before Christmas when Kery and I decided to go to Texas to try our best to talk Steve out of his coma.
When we got there, Steve’s dear friends Don and Jenny met us at the airport and took us to their home to stay the night and tell us what the status was on Steve. The next day he took us to Steve’s house to get settled then over to the hospital. Don remained our personal chauffeur the entire time we were there and we were so grateful. We tried our best to talk to Steve and convince him to wake up, but he was unresponsive. At one time the nurses were going to turn him over in bed and one of them told me that when they turn him, sometimes he opens his eyes. They were not sure if he was truly awake or not but asked if I wanted to be in there when they turned him and I said I would. They closed the curtain and I stood at the bottom of the bed, all the while talking to him and telling him he was alright and told him he was in a coma and he had to wake up. I told him I loved him and he opened his eyes and tears fell from his open eyes and the nurse said “I think he heard you! He has never had tears before now!” I was so grateful that I started to cry and when we re-opened the curtain, there stood my husband and I fell into his arms and sobbed. We were there for an entire week and Steve did not wake up but they noticed he was actually breathing better and not using the respirator as much as he had. Within a month he was fully awake. He had to go to physical therapy for a while and then they released him. Unfortunately, Steve has never truly recovered from this accident. He had a great job working for Lockheed Martin. They paid for his medical bills and tried to bring him back to work, but Steve was too erratic. He has not been able to get any job and keep it and blames it all on someone or something else besides his injury. He had to sell his motorcycle, then had to sell his house. He moved into an apartment and couldn’t afford that so moved into a free trailer at one of his friend’s house in Texas. It has been a difficult time for Steve and I don’t know if he will ever be the same.
My daddy died of heart failure and cirrhosis of the liver in 1976 and my mom died in 1997 of Alzheimer’s. Her death certificate said she had been diagnosed as Schizophrenic and Bi-Polar.
After I left home, that living hell continued to live on in my head. All the abuses left wounds that were like open sores on my body and my heart. I wore them, almost proudly, for a very long time, and because they existed they got most of my attention. I was living a pretty dysfunctional life until the day my Deliverer and my Redeemer, Jesus Christ, showed up in my living room and saved me. All it took was His offer of true love which instantly healed my broken heart and open wounds. I went from living in darkness to the brightness of a sunny day, from being deathly sick to being a shining example of healthiness. It was a miracle God performed for me that day and I have never been the same.
It took a little more to clean out the rest of the nasty cobwebs in my mind, but in time, God’s soothing words healed them too and they became scars, and scars don’t hurt. Scars are signs of God’s love and healing and Galatians 6:17 (in the NLT) says “I bear on my body the scars that show I belong to Jesus.” Today, I am proud of my scars.
This is my life story and I’m writing it for you. I’m not an accomplished writer, so I hope you will stick with me as I set the stage for God’s incredible work in this little girl’s damaged and unhappy life. You will see how it is possible for you too to be healed. My hope and prayer is that as you read my words you will slowly but surely see that He is a loving God who wants to touch your life too.
You can live a free and victorious life and that is not just the purpose of this book, it is the purpose of my life; to share what God did for me so there can be hope for someone who went through similar things. Can I pray for you right now?
Father God, You are such a wonderful and loving God. You know our hearts and our inner most thoughts before we even voice them. You know where we hide in our sorrow and God I am asking you to start shining a light in that hidden place in us right now. Help us to see Who You are and anoint my words as I write to give understanding and hope to anyone who went through any kind of child abuse. I know that these things hurt Your heart too and I know how much You love us, so please open our eyes so we can see clearly. I love You and thank You.
In Jesus’ Holy Name I pray, Amen
Music
One more thing before we get started. When I was younger I found great peace and comfort through music. The words soothed my spirit and took me to another place and I still love music to this day. There are particular songs that I have identified with through the years that describe a certain time in my life. I hope you won’t mind as I share the words to some of these songs that have touched my life. This song “Wildflower” speaks about my life so accurately. The words that speak loudest are “sleep is the only freedom that she knows.” Once you read my story, you will understand. Today, I can sleep so soundly and sleep is so precious to me because there was a day that I dreaded going to sleep.
“Wildflower” by Skylark, Words Written by David Richardson
She's faced the hardest times you could imagine
And many times her eyes fought back the tears
And when her youthful world was about to fall in
Each time her slender shoulders bore the weight of all her fears
And a sorrow no one hears still rings in midnight silence, in her ears
Let her cry, for she's a lady
Let her dream, for she's a child
Let the rain fall down upon her
She's a free and gentle flower, growing wild
And if by chance I should hold her
Let me hold her for a time
But if allowed just one possession
I would pick her from the garden, to be mine
Be careful how you touch her, for she'll awaken
And sleep's the only freedom that she knows
And when you walk into her eyes, you won't believe
The way she's always paying for a debt she never owes
And a silent wind still blows that only she can hear and so she goes
Let her cry, for she's a lady
Let her dream, for she's a child
Let the rain fall down upon her
She's a free and gentle flower, growing wild
Here is a link to that song on YouTube if you would like to see and hear it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQ8n_Esop5I
And many times her eyes fought back the tears
And when her youthful world was about to fall in
Each time her slender shoulders bore the weight of all her fears
And a sorrow no one hears still rings in midnight silence, in her ears
Let her cry, for she's a lady
Let her dream, for she's a child
Let the rain fall down upon her
She's a free and gentle flower, growing wild
And if by chance I should hold her
Let me hold her for a time
But if allowed just one possession
I would pick her from the garden, to be mine
Be careful how you touch her, for she'll awaken
And sleep's the only freedom that she knows
And when you walk into her eyes, you won't believe
The way she's always paying for a debt she never owes
And a silent wind still blows that only she can hear and so she goes
Let her cry, for she's a lady
Let her dream, for she's a child
Let the rain fall down upon her
She's a free and gentle flower, growing wild
Here is a link to that song on YouTube if you would like to see and hear it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQ8n_Esop5I
